Self worth relates to how you think and feel about yourself, and how much you love and value yourself as someone worthy of respect. It plays a key part in everyday life and can influence your opinion, behaviour, and feelings towards yourself, as well as the emotions you feel, the decisions you make, your confidence, and how you interact with others.
Healthy self-worth enables us to show kindness, empathy, and forgiveness to ourselves not just others. It makes us feel comfortable with ourselves and have confidence in who we are, and allows us to recognise our strengths and feel able to try new things. Ultimately, healthy self worth makes us believe we are good enough.
Low self worth on the other hand leads us to judge ourselves and focus on our mistakes and regrets, lack confidence and self-belief and find it difficult to make our own decisions, frequently feeling negative emotions like shame, anger, or disgust towards ourselves.
There are times when we have high self-worth and other times when we struggle with low self-worth because how we feel towards ourselves can fluctuate and change over time. Factors that can influence your self-worth include how friends, family, and others treat you (e.g. in an abusive relationship), challenges you are going through or previously experienced, mental and physical health problems and pressures to meet expectations like exams or work performance.
Our self-worth is often tied to our accomplishments and possessions. As soon as we fail, we worry that we will lose respect or approval, and we experience low self-worth. But we deserve love, no matter what we achieve.
If you’re experiencing low self-worth, there are some things you can try to help you slowly improve how you view and treat yourself. See what works for you –
Our strengths - We all have parts of us that we like and dislike, and have things that we’re good at. Having low self-worth can make it easy to focus only on the parts of you that you don’t like. However, thinking about your strengths and interests can help build your confidence. Think about the parts of yourself and your life that you like, or what your loved ones might say about you. Are you a caring person or loyal friend? Do you have hobbies? Are you proud of something you’ve achieved recently? What are you grateful for?
Challenge negative self thoughts - If you struggle with low self confidence and self worth you might tell yourself things like “I’m a failure,” or “I can’t do this.” This overly critical inner voice is not telling you facts about yourself. Start to challenge your negative self-talk and reframing them as they arise. Write them down in a Journal – the critical negative thought about yourself, and then start to re-frame them. Consider the effort you put into something, rather than the outcome, and consider how you would respond if a close friend shared this negative view about themselves with you, as well as the reasons why the thought isn’t true. By challenging unhelpful self-talk and focusing on more helpful, accurate ways of thinking, you can slowly start to change the way you automatically talk, think, and feel about yourself.
Embrace your quirks - Embrace and accept your awkward laugh, your clumsiness or your unusual way of thinking about things. Through this acceptance, you’re acknowledging that you are worthy just the way you are.
Set goals - Working towards and achieving something is an important part of growing in confidence and self-belief. Having goals in place can help you feel inspired and focused, which may help with any feelings of hopelessness or lack of motivation. Having long-term plans might feel too much to begin with, so try setting yourself short-term goals for the near future that feel manageable right now, like ‘start to research community groups or classes that are being held in my area’.
Spending time with people who make us feel valued – surround yourself with people who care about you as this can help you feel loved, valued, and worthy. Even though it may feel difficult at times, it can be helpful to gradually build a network of trusted people who are there to listen, motivate, and support you.
Practising ‘No’ - If you’re feeling low in confidence and self-worth, it’s common to say or do things to please others. But this can often leave you feeling overwhelmed, and lead to negative feelings about yourself. Create boundaries to help show others how you expect to be treated. This can help you build a sense of respect and self-esteem.
Avoid comparing yourself to others - In the age of social media, it can feel really difficult to avoid comparing ourselves with others. However, we often tend to see just the positive emotions and experiences that people share, and this can leave us feeling bad about ourselves and our own lives. Limit your time on social media and unfollow accounts that have an unhelpful influence on your self-worth. Remind yourself that everyone has positive and negative experiences, and that what you see isn’t always the full story.
Practise gratitude - Regularly write down things you’re grateful for.
Free yourself - free yourself from the conditions you’ve placed on your worth
In order to find your self worth, you must recognise your achievements and strengths, challenge your negative beliefs and thoughts, practice gratitude and self-compassion and surround yourself with supportive people.
Unconditional self worth is the firm belief that you deserve to be happy, be loved, and to be cared for ALL the time, even when life does not go as we hoped.
You are more than the total sum of your achievements, or the validation you receive from others - your worth is determined by your own self perception and the value you place on yourself.
Learn to love yourself.
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